My posts have been few and far between here for awhile. My life has been undergoing a transformation of sorts, and not a very pleasant one. Deeply personal and painful things are sometimes impossible for me to write about as they are happening. I find I have no words for them, and they have no voice with which to speak. Such has been the case, lately.

Nor am I much of a sharer with the really hard stuff. Growing up as an only child, I learned early on to deal with any crisis internally. But I am doing okay, finally finding I am able to process and translate some of the emotions and experiences into coherent forms. Like the poem below that I wrote last night.

For those who read it and can relate, it isn’t the entirety of my experience. Instead, it is just one snippet, one feeling and thought I had for a little while, and in the writing down of it, giving it voice and life and shape, was freed. I hope someone else might find that, too.

Tossed Away

Crumpled between two hands,
How crisply did I fold –
A paper heart so fragile,
Worn thin and weak and old;
I felt my world collapsing,
Twisting down upon itself,
Compounded by compliance
With every blow I felt.

One last satisfying squeeze
Sent this tiny, brittle ball
Flying toward the trash can,
But instead bounced off the wall;
In a deep, dark corner
I finally came to rest,
To lay in quiet solitude,
Unwelcome memory of a mess.

My edges slowly uncurled
And filled up full with dust;
Forgotten and abandoned,
But I didn’t make a fuss;
I learned to love the silence,

Finding comfort on my own,
Making peace with demons,
Learning to be alone.

Something still remains inside,
A great mystery to find –
Something raw half-remembered,
A thing pure and unrefined;
So I wait here in the darkness,
And when the time is right,
Worthy hands will find and unfold me,
Bringing all my gifts to light.


About Jacqlyn Thorne

I've never really liked labels: I am this, I am that... But in the interest of introducing myself to the world, I can say that I am many things: nurse, writer, photographer, poet, painter, gardener, friend, armchair philosopher, counselor, nature lover, real-estate aficionado, movie buff, sometime yogi, and aspiring world-traveler. I think that's a pretty good list... for now. I want to become a bigger part of the vital, creative force I feel deeply at work in the world and connect with other people who want to do the same.